HOW A GODLY WIFE CAN WIN AN UNSAVED HUSBAND

 I Peter 3:1-7

 

INTRODUCTION:

We continue with our subject of Submitting and being in subjection.  It is now to be applied to the husband wife relationship.  This could be one of the great studies in scripture, if you will read slowly, verse by verse, word by word and really want to know His will as it relates to the wife and husband relationship.  Many wives will find out for the first time...how to win their husband to Christ. Most Christians do not even know these verses are in the Bible for all intents and purposes.  When did you last hear a pastor preach on how to win your husband without speaking?

******

 

Introductory Remarks of Clarification:

 

                1. Peter is not talking about a man and woman relationship, but a wife and husband relationship.

 

                2. Please do not jump the gun or think that because the Holy Spirit is talking about the submission of the wife to the husband, that Peter or the Holy Spirit is portraying the man as being SUPERIOR to the woman.  (superiority has nothing to do with it...it is a matter of divine order laid down in the book of Genesis)

 

                3. Remember, in every institution, you must have a head.  If you have more than one person in a relationship, there must be a leader....and this is not based on superiority...The Bible knows nothing about committees.  If you have two people, one is the head.  The Bible teaches that there can be “Authority without Superiority.”

                                a. this eliminates the 50-50 approach.  Not even the Trinity works on a fifty-fifty arrangement.  A reading of I Cor. 11:3 will show in all relationships, there has to be leadership.  ”The head of Christ is God.” (this does not mean that Christ is INFERIOR to God or that God is SUPERIOR to Christ.)  Here is leadership without superiority. 

                                b. thus, learn that you can have leadership without superiority.  And in no way is the woman inferior by virtue of the fact that she is to submit. If you are going to have effectiveness in marriage, you must have a head, leadership.  It is not Biblical to operate on this fifty-fifty arrangement.  

 

 

THE ORDER TO SUBJECTION:  3:1

                1. text:  “likewise, you wives be in subjection to your own husbands.”                                   

                                a. “likewise.”  simply means, we have talked about subjection in the state, the household and now in the same manner we are going to continue the subjection theme, but now in the Family. 

                                b. “be in subjection.”  first, it is in present tense, thus it is continuous, not just certain times of the year or when the wife wants something special from the husband.

                                c. “to your own husbands.” 

                                                l. Peter is not talking about a MALE, FEMALE relationship, but a WIFE, HUSBAND relationship. 

                                                2. again, we repeat, because Peter is talking about submission of wife to husband...do not think that PETER IS TALKING ABOUT MEN AS BEING SUPERIOR.

                                                3. to your “own husbands” speaks of the LIMITATION OF SUBJECTION.

 

THE GOAL OF SUBJECTION:   3:1    (to win your husband)

                1. text:  “that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives.”

                                a. “that” is what they call a purpose clause....which teaches the “object or the aim of subjection.”

                                b. “they may be won by the behavior.” (conversation)

                                                1. “may be won.”  the word “won” means, “to win over to a point of view.”  Note also: eliminate the article “the” where it says, “may without (the) word.” (THIS IS WORDLESS WITNESSING) or NON VERBAL WITNESSING.   Of course, it does not mean that if the husband should ask you a question about spiritual things, that you are to keep your mouth shut.  Basically, this is a behavior witnessing to the husband.

                                c. Two Things about this Husband in I Peter 3:1 

                                                l. He is an UNPERSUADED husband...”obey not the Word.”

                                                                a. the word “obey” means to be un-persuaded.  Thus, Peter is not talking about a husband who has never heard the gospel, but he has heard the gospel and his response to it is NEGATIVE. 

                                                2. He is also a husband who cannot AVOID LOOKING:

                                                                a. “won by the conversation (behavior) of the wife.”  Please remove talking from the word conversation, for it might include some, but mostly, it is a form of LIFE WITNESSING.  I tell you that I Peter 3:1 is EVANGELISM BY LIFE...for v. 2 says, “while they behold your chaste conversation or behavior.”

                                                                b. remember, your husband gets a “day in and day out” look at LEAST ONE CHRISTIAN and that is you.  By the way, the Bible says a person can see the CHRIST LIFE LIVED....(EVEN THE UNSAVED).  They may not make the right interpretation at first about your life, but they can see the inward qualities of your life being lived out. 

                                                                c. teaching here:  If you have an unsaved husband who has rejected the Word, for the text says, “if any obey not the word.” The lesson is this...if your situation is like the one portrayed in v. 1 where a husband knows How to be a Christian, but  has rejected, then KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT AND LIVE THE LIFE.  (You now enter phase two on how to win your husband)

 

THE DETAILS OF THE WITNESS OF THE WIFE:  v.2 

               A.The Two Most Important Ingredients of This Godly Wife 

                     l. “Chaste Conversation”  (or Pure Life)  v. 2 (non Verbal)  

                     2. “Reverence For God.”  (v. 2) (Non Verbal)                                                                                                                                                a.  this additional ingredient is the one that will OIL OR LUBRICATE the machinery.  Living the pure life without the reverence could put a “bad edge” on the life of the wife;  it could produce in itself possibly a little “hypocrisy” or “lack of sympathy for the condition of the husband.”  The pure life, plus the reverence for God produces the RIGHT BALANCE THAT WILL PRODUCE HIS SALVATION....or it could be such a conviction to his life, that he in turn can’t take it and will leave. Warning:  Before that husband comes to Christ, he most likely will test your Godly life and see if it is for real.  BE PREPARED.

                                                               

                                                 b. The term “pure life” or “chaste conduct” is used two ways:

                                                      1. HORIZONTALLY:   it means “without stain.”  (not sinless, perfect)

                                                      2. VERTICALLY:  as illustrated in I John 1:9...the purity of this woman is both VERTICAL AND HORIZONTAL. The reverence produced the sensitivity of the vertical...and the horizontal was born out of the vertical.  When horizontal conduct comes from Vertical sensitivity and confession and reverence for God, then it is never legalistic, cold, harsh, judgmental, difficult to get along with.  (This wife in 3:1,2 would drive an unsaved husband crazy; he couldn’t stand this kind of witness and behavior. Do you think you could stand a witness that was coming at you each day from the VERTICAL direction and HORIZONTAL direction, coupled with Godly reverence?  You will either get saved or get drunk.

 

                                B. OUTWARD COSMETICS  3,4  (second form of witness of this Godly wife)

                                                1. word of Introduction.

                                                                a. first, Peter is not forbidding them to use these 3 things mentioned . (hope you realize that Peter is not telling the wife to go around naked all day...because of the phrase, “putting on of apparel.”

                                                                b. second, the Wife would naturally think that if you wanted to impress your husband, then it would be through your person EXTERNALLY, but Peter will deny this.  Peter will tell us that beauty is NEVER EXTERNAL, but INTERNAL.  (this is why you will see a man deathly in love with a woman who outwardly is just plain ugly.  Her internal qualities are such that he in turn thinks that she is beautiful outwardly as well.

                                                2. Three Things to AVOID ABUSING v. 3

                                                                1. PLAITING OF HAIR:  

                                                                                a. I know there are groups who have taken this to mean that since beauty is on the inside, then forget the hair, wear long dresses down to the ground, let your face shine like the sun, wear no wedding band, look like you just got up from a nap.  (this is not what Peter is teaching).You must remember that Roman women literally spent hours upon hours on their hair....and many times would sleep at night with their heads propped up so as not to hurt the hair arrangement. 

                                                                2. WEARING OF GOLD:

                                                                                a. I have lived long enough to have watched the P............. movement go from no wedding bands, no gold, long hair with questionable appearance, dingy looking clothing, no makeup....to where they now are proponents of all of the things they refused...now in exaggerated form.  (they now wear more gold, loud, garish clothing, makeup layered on, hair- dos that are comical and at times embarrassing.  The pendulum has definitely moved in another direction.)

                                                                3. PUTTING ON OF APPAREL:

                                                                                a. Surely you realize with this part of the verse that Peter was NOT telling the ladies NOT to plait hair, NOT to wear jewelry, NOT TO WEAR CLOTHES. Since this wife could not win her husband through speech, she decided to win him through DRESSING UP.  I might include Isa. 3:16-21...and note that when Israel would backslide, then one of the features of their depravity would be their EXTREME DRESS, JEWELRY, HAIR.  I think this might have some significance for today.  Remember, the problem of Peter with these people was the word EXTREME.  (too much of these three items)

 

                                C. INWARD COSMETICS: (v. 4) “let it be the hidden man of the heart.”                                                                                                                                                a. We define the “hidden man of the heart” by asking a question.  What does the Holy Spirit animate?  Is it clothing or personality?  Is it the hatbox or is it people?  HE WILL NOT ANIMATE CLOTHES, THE HAIR, YOUR JEWELRY, BUT ONLY YOUR PERSON. The inner life of the believer is permanent beauty.   It is kind of sad to see believers trying to win the lost through their hair, their gold and their apparel.  Note How this Hidden Man of the Heart Reveals itself:

                                                                  b. Ornament of Meek Spirit: v. 4.  Here is a descriptive word for her character, meek, considerate, gentle.  I would remind you again that the word meek does not mean WEAKNESS, but was used of a “horse that had been broken to ride.” Thus, when you had a horse that you could ride on, it was not a weak horse, but rather a horse that had come under control.

                                                                 c. Christ describes His character ONLY ONCE in the New Testament, .and it is in Matt. 11:29...which is the ONLY SELF DESCRIPTION OF HIMSELF THAT CHRIST EVER MAKES.  (I mention this, for in the only self description that Christ ever gives of His own character. He is mentioning the same characteristic, the same quality that SHOULD BE-SPEAK A WOMAN in I Peter 3:4 )  Brother, if that does not add dignity to the woman, I am in another world.

                                                                d. by the way, in case you still think the “ornament of a meek and quiet spirit” is not worth much and is to be associated only with so called weak women, uneducated women, women who come from the “hills” then note the last part of v. 4, which should be enough for a Godly woman....”which is in the sight of God of great price.”

                                                                c. Her Beauty is:

                                                                     1. INNER:  (she animates through her inner beauty, not through her clothes, gold, hair, make-up, eye shadow, shoes. This does not mean she should not wear shoes or clothes, but just remember what God said, even though VOGUE magazine would severely disagree.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     2. VALUABLE: “of great price.”

 

FOUR DUTIES IN CONCLUSION FOR THE WIFE TO CONSIDER:

                                                                                1. DUTY OF LOYALTY.  “likewise you wives, be in subjection to your own husbands.”  [v.1]  This duty has nothing to do with inferiority on the part of the woman.  It has to do with the fact that within the sphere of the home....each family has to have a captain.  The proper head of the family is the man.

                                                                                2. DUTY OF PURITY:  “while they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.”  v. 2  One rendering has it this way.  “while they review attentively your pure behavior mixed with respect.”  [nothing safeguards the marriage relationship like undisputed purity.] 

                                                                                3. DUTY OF MODESTY:  “whose adorning, let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair and of wearing of gold or of putting on of apparel.” [v. 3]  A woman who has what it takes to be a wife does not have to prove it in any cosmetic manner.  This verse is not against cosmetics but is a verse on MODERATION. 

                                                                                4. DUTY OF SANCTITY:  “whose adorning, let it not be that outward adorning of plating the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel, but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit.” [v. 3-5] The hidden man of the heart is nothing less than the indwelling Lord Himself.This woman is nothing more than the presence of Christ being revealed in her daily life and work. 

 

 

THE PATTERN OF SUBMISSION:   v. 5

                1. The pattern is Old Testament women:

                                a. thus, inner beauty is not something new with Peter, but from even the Old Testament. 

                2. Commentary:

                                a. “call him Lord.”  we think this is a term of deity, but really, it is a term of respect...please note the following scriptures on this.  Acts 16:30  “sir” is word for Lord.  Matt. 6:24, the word “masters” is word for Lord.

 

 

Conclusion on

Duties

of Christian Wives

 

There is Respectfulness, and its intentions:    “Be submissive to your husbands, so that some, though they do not obey the Word, may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives.”  (v.1)

 

There is Faithfulness and its Incentive:  “when they see your reverent and chaste behavior.” (v. 2).  What Peter wants these husbands to see is “chaste behavior in fear.”  (if the behavior is not coupled with reverence to God....then it most likely could be cold, calculated, with little or no warmth. 

 

There is Modesty and its Inwardness:  “let not yours be the outward adorning with braiding of her, decoration of gold and wearing of robes, but let it be the hidden person of the heart of a gentle and quiet Spirit.”  (v. 3)   (you read these verses wrongly...if you think that they are a ban on braiding hard, using gold, wearing a robe.)  DUTY OF MODESTY.  (which is nothing more than “attractive self restraint.”)  Beauty cannot be hung around the neck like a pendant...it grows within like a lovely flower.  If your husband fails to appreciate it,  just remember that it “is in God’s sight....very precious.”  (v. 4)