FIVE FEATURES

OF GENUINE

MARITAL LOVE

Eph. 5:25-27 "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church. and gave himself for it;  That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle, or any such thing; but be holy and without blemish." 

Introduction:  We have just given you three forms of attraction that we have one for the other. What we have just given you will give you a start as you analyze and check out the kind of relationship you have with the person you are either married to or engaged to. Now, in this study we want to deal with strictly BIBLICAL LOVE and the Greek word for it is AGAPE LOVE.  Again, you will get a five fold idea about what REAL love should have in it.  If you find that your relationship is lacking in these five qualities, then you really need to stop and evaluate the total situation.  Again, I would have given my “right tooth” for a little study like this when I was courting and even when I was married the first time.  Hope this helps in your relationship.  

GENUINE LOVE IS REALISTIC  [Eph 5:25]                         

              a. “husbands, love your wives (analogy) even as Christ loved the Church.”

      b. comments:

1. first, Who is the Church?  The church is made up of SINNERS.  The church was not made up of people that “God skimmed off the top” and then saved them.  Anyone who is a member of The Church, the Body of Christ is a SINNER.  That is the one requirement for membership.  Thus, the point we want to make is that the object of love in v. 25 is a sinner, not some special angel.  

2. second,  The lesson we learn on this first feature of love is that LOVE CAN EXIST IN A REALISTIC SITUATION.  Christ in His love, loved really lousy people...and this is the first concept we must have of “each other.”  A very essential ingredient in marriage is the fact that your wife, your husband is a sinner and not an angel.  The first concept then of love is that it can EXIST IN A VERY REAL TYPE OF SITUATION.  (the fact that both partners are sinners)  

3. Third, If you have a delusion about each other, then how could you have a successful marriage relationship?  Both of you must admit and acknowledge that YOU ARE SINNERS....it is a key to a successful marriage.  Real love is REALISTIC....You cannot have love and live in some kind of dream world.  If you look at your partner as anything other than a sinner, you are not being honest, realistic. I might mention that one of the great aspects of being a believer in Christ is that you and your wife can look and view and evaluate each other in a totally REALISTIC manner.  She is a sinner, you are a sinner....and yet you both love each other.  Why? Because Biblical love is realistic.   

Genuine Love is ACCEPTANCE AS YOU ARE:   

a. “while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.”  Romans 5:8

1. This is a very important point in any relationship....acceptance as we really are.  You may not like some of the qualities in the person you are about to marry, but you must accept THE PERSON AS THEY ARE.  Please remember that God did not CLEAN US UP before He saved us or even before He loved us.  “while we were yet sinners” is what the scriptures teach.  

2. Lesson: IMPROVEMENT is fine in marriage, but CHANGE IS NOT ALLOWED. The statement, “I will not function until you change” is never permitted in a marriage relationship.  The statement, “When I marry him, I am sure I will be able to change him” is an absolute “no no” in marriage.  I promise that if both of you are believers who love Christ, who want to be all you can be in the relationship, then change will occur and more often, improvements will occur.  As I live for Him, He has made many changes in my marriage life. Some of my friends cannot believe the “changes” or “improvements” that have occurred in my life since being married to Joyce.  Most of those changes or improvements came about NOT THROUGH MY WIFE DIRECTLY, but as we together were conscious of our relationship to Him, to one another, to the needs of each other, the changes, improvements JUST HAPPEN.  As I grow in Him, the improvements just occur, not because of some “threat” or embarrassment on the part of my wife.  Isn’t it strange...my wife accepts me as I am and yet there are changes, improvements occurring all the time. 

Genuine Love is SACRIFICIAL.  Eph. 5:25

a. text:  “and gave Himself for us.”  [v. 25]

1. Real love has a desire to meet another’s need at personal cost or sacrifice.  If there is real love, there is ALWAYS something to give up.  In case you might not know it, there is definitely sacrifice in marriage.  Marriage is not an extension of all the things you want personally.  I think we all have known men who before marrying request that the wife be willing to go to work and put the husband to be through college.  If this occurs before marriage, then I think in some respects this should raise a RED FLAG on the wife to be.  It is fine to sacrifice, but there should be a desire to sacrifice on both parts.  In the case of love being willing to sacrifice, I would say that more often than not, it is the wife who ends up doing most of the sacrificing.  Most of the sacrifice that I have observed over the years has been by the wives, not the husbands.  Even in a marriage that did not work, I must say that most of the sacrifice was made by my wife, not by me personally.  I now know why men do not birth babies.  The pain, the sacrifice would be too much for most men, plus most men would be afraid that the baby would arrive on the afternoon of some special golf or tennis date.

2. Logic would also dictate that if in v. 25 it says, “husbands love your wives” it would also say in some other verse, “wives, love your husbands” but IT DOES NOT SAY THIS.  In our “fifty fifty’ world, this would make sense.  Why is there nothing said about the “wife loving the husband?”  For one simple reason. The woman or the wife is a born responder.  When the woman is loved, she responds with love.  When the husband initiates the love, he will find a responding wife returning love.  This last statement, which I have printed out in dark....is one principle in itself that could rescue and save scores of marriages.  WHEN MEN BECOME THE INITIATORS, things will begin to happen in the marriage, in every department.  Hey, I was fifty plus years of age before I fully understood that women are “born responders.” [I thought it was the other way around..] 

Genuine Love is always PURPOSEFUL  v. 26

a. text:  “sanctify and cleanse it by the washing of the Word.”  v. 26, 27

b. comments: If someone ask you why you are married, what would you answer?  

1. the dual purpose of love is given in v. 26, 27

a. “that He might sanctify it.” GROW IN THE WORD   (the first purpose then is to see the other person grow in the Word)  

b. “that He might present.” ULTIMATE MATURITY  (to see ultimate maturity of the partner in marriage)  (thus, God did not just save us so He could prove that He could love people who hated Him.  He had a purpose when He loved us and His Son died for us.)

2. question here:  Could you see a conflict in a marriage if two people married one another for certainly one purpose, which is to see the other GROW IN THE WORD  and secondly, to see the other person come to ULTIMATE MATURITY??  Is that too funky for the Christians of today?  Do you think there would be too many problems if two people had as their purpose in the marriage to see the other grow in the Word and come to maturity?  

3. I like the above goal better than two believers getting married and for all intents and purposes, their goals in life are to have new home in the section of town where the affluent young people are living and then to have a new 325 BMW.  I certainly like it better than the goal of some which is to have a wife to wash, iron, take care of children, have dinner prepared when you walk in, but  the goal seldom extends beyond this... other than sex once in a while.  It is great to be able to say that my wife is helping me to grow in the Word and helping me to come to maturity spiritually and at the same time, we laugh , have a ball and more fun than I could put into print.

Genuine Love is UNRESERVED  v. 28,29

a. text:  “so ought men to love their wives as their own bodies.”  

1. It is obvious that the Holy Spirit knows something about men...when He talked about men loving their wives as “their own bodies.” The analogy is this.  You would do anything to preserve your right or left hand.  We would do most anything for our body and the same should be true in real love.  It should be totally unreserved, go to any extent to preserve, keep, protect the relationship.  In other words, the way I take care of my body as a man is the analogy of WHAT REAL LOVE SHOULD BE LIKE...If most husbands just gave to their wives a percentage of interest and time they spend on their bodies, there would be few problems in most marriages.  Let’s face it....we will do whatever it takes for ‘our bodies.’

Genuine Love is EXCLUSIVE:  

1. The husband does not love wives. (plural)  Real love takes the closest prior relationship and says that MARRIAGE IS EXCLUSIVE.  The first lesson God ever taught on marriage is that of “leaving and cleaving.”  We will deal further with this exclusive aspect of marriage when we get to Genesis.  I would merely comment that there are scores of both wives and husbands who have not made their mates TOTALLY EXCLUSIVE. 

Closing Observations and Comments:

How many wives would have trouble submitting to a husband who:

1. Had a love that was REALISTIC (which means that both the wife and the husband recognize and understand they both are sinners.)

2. Had a love that was PURPOSEFUL (which means that each of you wants to see the other GROW IN THE WORD and reach ULTIMATE MATURITY through your relationship to each other)

3. Had a love that was SACRIFICIAL (what wife would not want to submit to a husband who had a sacrificial love for his wife)

4. Had a love that was EXCLUSIVE  (in other words, you are absolutely the only person in his life or her life; you are exclusive to that wife or husband) 

There are two types of Love taught in 1 John 4:13-19

1. There is a love that INITIATES:  [v.19]  “we love Him because He first loved us.”  [God here is the initiator....and we are the responders]

2. There is a love that is BORNE out of that Initiation.   [that is our love for Him].

a. what you have are two types of love....the kind that initiates and then our kind of love, which responds to His love.  The reason there is so little said about the love of the wife for the husband...is because the love of the wife is a RESPONSE type of love....there is no need to put an IMPERATIVE on the wife to love her husband, for when she is loved, she loves in return.  [she is a RESPONDER]