LOVE AND MARRIAGE

Eph. 5:25-29

Introduction:  I thought it only appropriate to begin our studies on Biblical marriage with the first study being on Biblical Love and its features.  Here again, I never knew these five features of love 40 years ago when I decided to get married.  No one every gave me anything like these 5 little points about Biblical love.  The great thing about these 5 points is that they deal with Agape love, which should rule our relationship with one another. Can you believe it, when I was married at age of 28, there was nothing in print on Biblical love and its features...or at least , I could not find it....and I went in and out of every Christian book store.  

Three Basic Forms of Affection

PHYSICAL ATTRACTION:  If you are anything like a normal male, be you a missionary to the darkest parts of Africa or a successful pastor of some big evangelical, Bible believing church, then most likely this was the first basis for your asking your wife out.  You saw this person, you liked what you saw and based just on the “physical” attraction, you decided this might be a nice person to ask out.  Now, by physical attraction, I do not mean that when you first met her....that you wanted to take her to some motel and commit some sexual act with her, but the first form of affection between you and your wife....was what we will call physical attraction. It certainly was not some kind of “soul relationship” when you first met her or the fact that you caught hold of some “spiritual vibe” in the air.  

a. Nothing wrong with this, but it has LIMITATIONS.  Remember and never forget that ALL physical appetites are subject to what we call SATIATION.  This simply means that it will not continue or last, but fill up at some time or another. We have all had this kind of experience.  I really used to love potato salad.  Having been a pastor for over 30 years, you can just imagine the huge amounts of potato salad I have come into contact with.  I can only tell you that one time long ago I became quite sick from eating potato salad. THAT WAS IT.  I became satiated with potato salad....and for years, people could never understand why I would not eat potato salad. Now Satiation is the big problem in Hollywood. The reason Rocky Stallone moves from one new lady friend to another is because of one thing...”he becomes satiated.”  I think one of the problems with poor Marilyn Monroe was nothing other than mental, emotional, physically being totally satiated.  Think about it. What else was there for her to eat; what new restaurant was there to eat in that she had not already eaten in; who else can you have for a boyfriend, when you have already had ‘presidents’ seeking you out; who could you have sex with...that you already had not had sex with? The one word you could write over her life was TOTAL SATIATION.   

b. lesson:  Although, physical attraction is legitimate to a point....if you are married to your wife or husband based on physical attraction only, then you are in for the shock of your life.  It is fine to have physical attraction as one of the forms of attraction, but for the long term, it has definite LIMITATIONS.  A marriage based on the physical alone WILL NOT SURVIVE OR LAST.  (that is a promise)

PERSONALITY LOVE:  This is simply one personality being attracted to another personality.  You might or might not be physically attracted, but you feel real personality attraction to this person.  The person might be as ugly as “homemade sin” but there is something about the person that attracts you.  You feel not only physical attraction, but you feel  a personality love for the individual.  It might be their intellect, personality, wisdom etc.  

a. This also has LIMITATIONS.  What you have for one another is a “self to self attraction.”  This is nothing more that what you see in another sinner like yourself. It can build on nothing more than what you as a sinner see in another sinner.  I can already hear what you are saying.  You are saying, “I love her for what she is” but the question I want to ask is this....what will happen when you find out “what she isn’t.”  If you are non-believers, then this is really all you can do. You have each other, the personality of each other, the physical attraction of each other, but then THAT IS IT. I do want to encourage you to find someone with some form of physical attraction, for it will at least make the painful life somewhat more enduring and less boring.  Are you buying what I am saying? Apart from knowing Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, all you can have with each other is a physical attraction and a personality attraction.  Now, do you understand why without Christ, these marriages do not work out either in length or in quality.  You would think that people who are ultimately rich would enjoy one another, for if they have a personality affection, then with money, you can fulfill all desires, interests and go anywhere, see anything, do anything, meet anyone.  Still they are quite unhappy.

CHRISTIAN LOVE:  This is where both the husband and the wife find a SOURCE and an OBJECT of love outside of themselves.  Did you read what I just said when I said a “source and object of love” OUTSIDE of themselves. The love of the husband is directed to God through Jesus Christ and her love is directed to God through Jesus Christ.  They then meet with this relationship with God in Christ and then they find physical attraction to one another and personality attraction to one another.  When you have this combination of Spiritual relationship, physical attraction, personality attraction, then you have a combination that is OUT OF SIGHT.  What this man and woman have done is to form what we call a Biblical TRIANGLE with God at the top of the triangle, the man and the woman at the two lower ends of the triangle.  I would encourage you to take a pencil and form a triangle with GOD AT THE TOP and then the husband at the LEFT BOTTOM SIDE and the wife at the RIGHT BOTTOM SIDE of the Triangle.  I tell you that when you and your spouse have together FORMED THE TRIANGLE, you are in for some great Christian living....that involves more than just going to church together.  Your relationship with each other physically, emotionally, intellectually will begin to grow...and the great thing is that you grow together in these areas.  It is “spooky” at times to realize how Joyce and I see things together, spiritually, physically, emotionally, intellectually.  What has happened is that our forming the TRIANGLE together has created these areas of “togetherness.”